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THE UNITED STATES MERCHANT MARINE
SINCE THE 1700’S WE’VE BEEN ROMPING, STOMPING, AND SPREADING CHAOS THROUGHOUT THE GLOBE. WE’RE THE FINEST SAILING FORCE THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN. WE WERE BORN IN BILGES. OUR MOTHER IS A MERMAID OUR FATHER THE DEVIL HIMSELF, AND EACH MOMENT WE LIVE IS AN ADDITIONAL THREAT TO YOUR WIFE.
WE ARE THE MEANEST, ROUGHEST LOOKING, ROBBING SOLDIER EVER TO SET FOOT ON THE SEAS. WE ARE COCKY, SELF-CENTERED, OVERBEARING AND KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF FEAR BECAUSE WE HAVE STARED IT DOWN FROM THE HIGHEST CREST TO THE LOWEST TROUGH. WE ARE THE SALTIEST AMPHIBIOUS MONSTER THAT THE SEA EVER SPIT OUT. WE ARE MADE OF BLOOD, GUTS, TAR AND A GALE FORCE WIND. WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND PERPETUATE DEATH AND DESTRUCTION OF THE FESTERING ANTI-AMERICANISM THROUGHOUT THE WORLD. AND WHEN OUR TIME COMES, WE WILL DIE A GLORIOUS DEATH GIVING OUR LIVES TO MOM, APPLE PIE, AND THE AMERICAN COLORS.
WE STOLE THE EAGLE FROM THE AIR FORCE, THE ANCHOR FROM THE NAVY, THE WOMEN FROM THE MARINES, AND ON THE SEVENTH DAY WHILE GOD RESTED, WE SAILED IN AND TOOK THE OCEANS, AND HE HAS NOT DARED TAKE THEM BACK.
WE LIVE LIKE SOLDIERS, TALK LIKE SAILORS, AND SLAP THE HELL OUT OF BOTH OF THEM.
SAILOR BY DAY,
LOVER BY NIGHT,
MERCHANT MARINE BY CHOICE…
GOD BY RIGHT
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